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This is really quite a random assemblage of data, completely outmoded by this thing called "Facebook" which makes my $9 website look like a $9 website. For now, this remains a bit of a living historical document, intended to warn children away from the hideous world of freelance writing. See what could happen to you? What I Do: I observe and document the wee bits of madness and hilarity that make up everyday life. If you've ever seen a package of "pre-shredded" cheese in a grocery store, you know I'll never run short of material. I'm in my mid 40's (mid, as in "often forgets actual age"), and own a small house in Toronto. Small, as in built in 1912, hallways that squeeze my hips as I walk and a backroom that slopes like a tilt-a-whirl. We're very close to the neighbours, too...I can look out my kitchen window and see how much change Carlos has on his dashboard. It's an environmentally friendly home. Sure, it's slowly rotting away, but I prefer to call it "biodegradable". Our heating costs have lowered ever since we disconnected that pipe that heated the basement. Have I mentioned we don't have a basement? And insulation? We figure the mice in the walls give us about R-20. I work in communications for a large government entity and make a respectable wage. To put "respectable" in perspective, buying groceries no longer requires the intervention of anti-anxiety medications. Really, I loved being a newpaper reporter and a non-profit worker, however, I decided eating was also important. My wife is much smarter than I. She's also a lot prettier. Even I think so, and I'm my own biggest fan. 15 years later, and she's still here. As long as I keep her away from the optician, I'll be fine. In my storied existence, I've sat across the table from Rene Levesque, driven a moped (on purpose), celebrated Christmas on Halloween, been on the national television program "The Nature of Things" (in a pink toga), ran unsuccesfully for municipal office, ran succesfully away from police with a great picture of a train derailment, let my friends paint my car and borrowed a kidney from one of my brothers. Ok, he's not getting it back. Recently, I picked up a new pancreas as well. If you think I'm funny, or if you think others might think I'm funny (no, not like THAT), allow me to write something for you. Free of charge. I'll whip you up a column on a general topic you can use anywhere. Or, if you'd like something done to specifics, let me know. Consider it a "getting to know me, then eventually depending heavily on my writing" present. To read a sample of what I write, check the "Offers" page
This is the "Mark hangs out in a fancy Montreal bar he can't afford" photo
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